Finding surrender again…..

It was COLD in our old house this morning!! The first thing I did when I went downstairs was check the thermostat (a nippy 62!). The second thing I did was turn on the gas fireplace. Last, but not least, I gathered my books and journal and sat down as close as I could possibly get to the fireplace without actually climbing inside! In my reading this morning, one word leapt off the page at me. That word was SURRENDER. It seemed I had somehow forgotten about the concept of surrender!

I am quite a fan of my early morning quiet time. I brew coffee & gather my books and journals around me. My bookshelves are lined with every genre of self-help book known to man, especially as it pertains to spirituality or addiction. I can’t look at my bookshelf without remembering the years I spent poring over my recovery books. Underlining passages, highlighting sentences as if they could be burned into my brain, journaling, crying, & praying. And while I don’t pull them out as much, their presence is a great reminder to me of how far I’ve come.

Chaos & Unmanageability, anyone?

In the weeks that led up to Christmas, I sensed that once again, I needed some insight from the recovery experts. I sensed that the old familiar crazy train was gearing up to leave the station and that I was just along for the ride. A lot of things start happening first. My boundaries disappear. I start trying to please EVERYONE. I stop taking care of myself (by giving myself proper rest, preparing food, etc.) I know things are spiraling out of control, but I don’t want to deal with it.

So I set my eyes on a magical time that I will change. (It gives me a little grace period to keep going great-guns for just a little bit longer.) Of course with it being the holidays, that time for me was the New Year. But until then, the train starts picking up speed. I’m carrying way too much freight; we’re definitely looking at a safety hazard. It feels wrong, but I minimize it. I get angry when it’s brought up. I swear I’ll change. That I hate living this way and I don’t even know how it happened (again).

Thankfully, I developed a love for reading at a young age. Take me to a bookstore and let me loose~ I’m in heaven. I love that there’s a book for every problem I’ve ever encountered. I like to read books in the morning that ground me in truth and set my sights on where I want to go in life. The books on my bedside stand for nighttime reading aren’t nearly as righteous!
For the past few weeks one of my morning books has been, Scouting the Divine, My Search for God in Wine, Wool, and Wild Honey by Margaret Feinberg ( ). The chapters I have been on for the past few days are talking about Margaret’s visit with a shepherdess in Oregon. The purpose for Margaret’s visit is to really understand why God calls us sheep and the significance of all of those references & comparisons to humans as sheep throughout the bible.

I wrote down the word, SURRENDER, in my journal this morning and I thought about all that the word has meant to me. It used to be identified with alcohol. I knew I needed to surrender my addiction to God. I had tried taking matters into my own hands, but to no avail.

After getting sober, I think I was just so pleasantly surprised that I have just been coasting on little high for the past 31 months. My BIG, overwhelming, lifelong problem…….is gone! And while that is reason to be excited, I realize that I have lots of other things that are constantly threatening to take up that space in my life. That nagging priority. That thing that I serve and I focus all of my attention & energy on.

I need to spend some time hearing from God. My own ways nearly always lead me astray. Like a dog chasing it’s own tail, I come right back around to the same stuff. The same attitudes. The same problems.

God has a better way! But I have to do that hard thing again: I have to SURRENDER! My will, my plans.

I have so much more trust than I used to have because I have experienced that God is faithful & good. When He tells us to give something up, it’s not to deprive us, but because He has something better.

C.S. Lewis Quotes

We all have that thing or things that we need to surrender, but for whatever reason we keep it around. We toy with it, even though we KNOW it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. It’s serving some kind of purpose in our life, and we don’t want to let it go!

If you don’t already have a quiet time in the morning, I would highly encourage you to try it out. Read the bible, or read some books that challenge you and push you to be a better, more loving person. Get honest about what you need to peel your fingers off of & surrender to make room for something better!


Chasing “More”…

Here it is, another Monday and I’m climbing BACK on the horse that threw me off- once again! I’m speaking of course of the food roller-coaster on which I’ve been a lifelong rider. It all started when I was a child and I fell for the lie that “More was better.” Being a child, there wasn’t a whole lot available that I could overdo it on, so the first and only substance/behavior that I could do more of was food/eating. I became a binger as kid and sugar was my favorite ingredient to O.D. on!

Once I reached my teenage years, I had MORE freedom & access to do MORE things & behaviors to do MORE of! I was in heaven! So much to do, so little time and I got right down to business in my life of excess! Long before I hit my 20’s, the pursuit of MORE was as natural as breathing air to me. Years later and now sober, I still fight the draw of More!

Weeks go by and I’m in a “good place”, fueling my body well. Not overthinking what I’m eating. Putting some time & energy into meals I’m serving myself and my family.

Then, something inevitably happens and it’s off to the races once again.

As life has gotten busier in the past few months, I haven’t made it to any of my AA meetings and my addictive tendencies have been alive & well. The old proverbial monkey is on my back again, swinging crazily off my shoulder and yelling in my ear. Also pretty sure that he’s throwing peanuts and just generally being a nuisance everywhere he goes.

It feels UNCOMFORTABLE!!! Annoying!!! And I’m not quite sure how he crept in again?!?

But yet, here he is. I thought things would be easy-breezy once I got sober. And while I admit I’m not a danger to myself or others through the things I do MORE of these days (unlike with alcohol), I want better for myself. I’m no longer okay with not being a threat to my own or anyone’s safety & well-being. (How was I ever okay with that??) A red flag pops up somewhere in the distance and what started out all comfy & warm eventually turns into underlying dread that I have ignored my needs once again. (Speaking of DEEP, internal needs that food & substances will never satisfy!) It doesn’t feel healthy at all and I know my internal pendulum has swung wildly out of control. (Therefore making my entire life feel out of control!)

I’m thankful that I’m no longer haunted by the urge to drink. But the thing about addiction is, they like to hang around. You know, just in case you decide you didn’t suffer enough.

When did the simple act of eating become so complicated?? There’s WHAT to eat. How much to eat. Should I feel guilty if I eat what I want to eat? Why don’t I plan better? Wait, why aren’t I planning at all???

With 2 growing boys and a big, hard-working husband at home, you’d think I might have noticed the absolute necessity of having a lot of food on hand and meals prepared.

So….what gives???

At the ripe old age of 44, I have to admit I’ve gotten out of balance once again and I need to tune in to what’s going on inside myself & listen. Each time I pass by this way, I gain a little more understanding & forgiveness. That’s not to say I don’t get disgusted and numb sometimes. But I’m not a quitter and as I start to understand & believe more about who God says I am, I’m able to pick myself up, dust myself off, and with grace & compassion, remind myself that it’s ok. God says that I am good. Not just that, but I am so much more than what I eat. This will not define me. Even though I keep “getting it wrong” according to how I think I should be eating as a fitness person and simply as someone who values & cares about her health.

Unfortunately, I have treated myself badly in the past. Drank, smoked, and ate way too much most of my life. Once you open that door to excess, it’s really hard to reel it back in.

Hard, but not impossible.

So it is that I pass by these parts once again. And though a part of me longs to berate myself for all of my failures, I just won’t. I’ve done that for too many years and it has gotten me nowhere except more discouraged and hopeless that I will ever do this thing even remotely “right.” (As if there is an absolute “right” or a one-size-fits-all way to do this!)

So many things I need to accept before I can try to change them!
There’s much more to be learned in this journey and I have no doubt that God will use this part just as he used the rest. My heart knows that there’s something more to be revealed here. I just need to be still and get my focus back on Him and off the food. Because it’s not about the food, the booze, the weed, the sex/relationships we chase. It’s about our heart. It’s about trying to fill that void, getting way off track, and then remembering who we are & WHOSE we are.

To all of you who are on this crazy train of trying to eat well, rest assured that you are not alone in your struggles. But also understand that this could very well be an area where God is trying to get your attention. We don’t need another diet or eating plan, but it IS our responsibility to love ourselves enough to be concerned about how we fuel our bodies & our brains in this lifetime.

Feel free to reach out & share with me your thoughts on this subject. I am here for friendship and support on this journey!


Taking time out of our busy lives to REALLY live!

Spent the past few days chewing over the whole concept of time as I worked on the September schedule of fitness classes. I try to visualize everyone who comes in, what their schedules and even their lives look like! In my profession, I get the rare opportunity of helping people slow down and take a break for themselves. I hear tales of busyness, stress, and how much they long to slow down! I remark quite often myself on how busy I am, and am forever claiming to be “working on” slowing things down! I come from a long line of do-ers and have even shared the lovely trait of MORE (the pursuit of more also called Fear Of Missing Out or FOMO!) with at least one of my children. In light of all of this busyness, my question is this: What would happen if we would start taking time out of our busy lives to REALLY live??! What would it look like? And what drives that nagging urge to keep moving?

What does “Really living” mean to you? What would you do with your time? Would it be what you’re doing right now??

Believe it or not, I don’t get a kickback from the AA people for mentioning them every time I write a post! I do so because their program has had such a huge impact on not only on my life, but also the lives of my husband & children (as well as other people’s lives we are a part of). Their Twelve Step program went above & beyond helping me to quit drinking. It helped me learn how to live my life more effectively. Their program is rich with insight into our behaviors as well as how to understand & correct (by this I mean Accept, Forgive and Be Willing to start to move away from those behaviors) and move away from ways that are no longer serving us. And finding ways that do! ( Ways that do NEVER includes being so busy we can’t take care of ourselves. It also never includes skipping over the work we need to do to get to the core of our behaviors.)

Whatever it is you know you need to do more of….ask yourself why you don’t do it? Take some time to get quiet and really LISTEN. Without judgement.

My recurring struggle at this season of my life is poor eating choices. (Abyssmal is more the proper adjective here. Hey, being honest!) Okay, so WHY do I make poor eating choices?? It’s not for lack of knowledge or understanding that I’m making these choices! I “get” that these choices are NOT helping me meet my goals of better health!

So what gives??

Well, I eat poorly because I’m a poor planner. So why am I a poor planner?
Because I don’t have enough time.

Why don’t I have enough time?
Because I have too much to do. I’m over-booked in some way. (By the way, this adds stress to our lives. And when we have stress in our lives, we tend to look for ways to escape. Enter drinking too much, spending money frivolously, etc…there are countless ways to check-out.).

Well…..why?? Why am I making these choices??
The answers are many, and they’re quite telling.

I’m a people-pleaser from WAY back. Which really means this: I have to DO things to make people like me; I’m not enough on my own. I have to EARN acceptance.

I don’t want to slow down and have to sit with my thoughts. I prefer to just keep running and rushing. This helps me not to have to feel. Feeling hurts. Steer clear of feeling. Keep piling more things on my to-do list and I never have time to feel.

Somewhere along the line, I fell for the lie that busier is better. Our culture pushes the glorification of busyness. The more we DO, the better we feel about ourselves. Our identity is tied up in WHAT WE DO!

Friends, these are some deep questions to ask ourselves and they always lead back to the heart. We don’t do anything “just for the heck of it”! There’s always a reason that we do the things we do. It leads back to what we BELIEVE in our hearts. About who we are and where our self-worth comes from.

That can be a scary place for some of us to go. I know it always was for me. I still often do not like what I find there, but I KNOW that I am a work in progress and I am committed to keeping up the work! I know I’m here to love people and help them love themselves. We’ve all been through some junk. Not one of us makes it through life unscathed, and in fact, MANY of us have been victims of some type of trauma in our lives and are busy just trying to get by as painlessly as possible at this point. We drag our baggage along with us, collapsing under the load at times.

What better way to lighten the load of a fellow traveler on this journey then by letting them know they are not alone? A truly priceless gift!

My challenge to you today is to think about what you’re busy doing. Then ask yourself… why?? Think it all the way through to the end. Who benefits? What is the payoff? What is the lie, if any, we are believing? Am I avoiding something or someone (or even myself??) by my constant busyness? Who needs me? What do I need to do for MYSELF that I’m not doing because I’m too busy??

On a side note:
This post went a totally different direction than planned. (Ain’t that life for ya anyways? Thinking you’re starting HERE and ending up over THERE, but sometimes that’s a really good thing!) It started out as a post about finding/making more time for exercise, but ended up going a bit deeper! I decided to go with what was on my heart this morning…..Hopefully it gave you something to think about, if nothing else!

Really hoping that you know & understand that we all have a purpose in our short lives and it goes way beyond just getting stuff done. It’s not really about stuff at all! Its about people and love and human connection. Things that we have to fight for in our busy world. But these are all the things that, in the end, add up to a truly FULL & healthy life.

Wishing you a weekend of very little labor on this Labor Day holiday!

With love,

Gratitude Sandwiches

If you drink with any amount of seriousness & commitment (aka- you’re an alcoholic) then chances are you’re no stranger to waking up feeling like your head is in a vice. Not a particularly pleasant way to start the day, but it’s something you’re willing to work thru and endure in order to keep up your drinking habits. Hangovers tend to get worse with time & age and I can say with absolute certainty that every morning I wake up sober is a great day! Gratitude comes to me in some form every day and today it came to me in the form of a sandwich. Life is funny like that and I am learning to appreciate the little things and the small moments that remind me how precious my life is these days.

I remember waking up on a few occasions, not sure why my neck and head hurt so badly. Came to find out later in the day that I had been involved in minor car accidents that I didn’t remember. Once I was a passenger in the backseat. WE slid on black ice and hit a guard rail, having to get a ride down the mountain with a Weis truck driver. No memory of it whatsoever. In another instance, I mysteriously ended up driving in a field. I started remembering bits and pieces throughout the day.

Now, if you’re not an alcoholic you’re probably wondering how in the heck you brush such things off as unimportant?! It’s really quite simple….you brush it off because if you let the full gravity of how you’re living, what’s happening in your life, hit you… would have to STOP THE CRAZINESS!! Ain’t nobody (who’s an alcoholic!) got time for that! We need that craziness to live!

Which brings me to the ciabatta.

This goes back several years. I had volunteered to help out at my older son’s yearly book fair. That morning I woke up with a horrible hangover. This one seemed particularly bad. (The mental part of the hangovers became horrendous for the last few years that I drank. I could muddle through the physical part, but I have never forgotten the mental & emotional anguish I went through in the last 5 years of my addiction. It was the absolute worst.)

I did my best to make myself presentable and I’m sure no one suspected a thing as I showed up there that morning. A little extra lipstick to try the brighten up the gray complexion and a heavy squirt of perfume to hide the cigarette stench that was still clinging to me since I probably hadn’t had the motivation to actually shower.

I didn’t know any of the other mom’s very well so, thankfully, I was able to keep to myself for the most part. But there I was at my son’s elementary school when the mental abuse kicked me right in the gut.

The gravity of how I was living just descended upon me like an elephant on my rib cage. I could barely keep it together. I kept looking around at all these other mom’s, trying to imagine if any of them had been drinking themselves into oblivion the night before, as I was. I seriously doubted that there had ever been a bigger TURD than I was that morning. Tears filled my eyes. My stomach rolled. I felt like the biggest phony because I probably looked completely normal- but inside I felt like I was losing my mind. I knew I could not go on like this. But I did. For 3 or 4 more years.

My heart just shattered into a million pieces for my kids that day. I will never forget it.

The big lie (ONE of the big lies, I should say!) that addict’s tell themselves is that we’re only hurting ourselves, but that is so far from the truth. We affect so many people with the way we live, the lies we tell, and our self-centeredness.

So…What about the ciabatta, you ask??

At the end of the longest 4 hours of my life, it was lunchtime and we ordered sandwiches from a coffee shop in town. I got the Caprese on a recommendation from one of the other mom’s and it was delicious. That was the only bearable part of an awful day.

So today, I ordered that same sandwich from the same coffee shop. And as I ate it, I reflected on all the pain, disgust and chaos that I used to live in. I can’t even imagine how I did it for so long. But I guess I did what I needed to do and there was certainly a time (back when I started drinking)that I needed an escape, so that was how I survived.

That simple sandwich brought me the greatest pleasure today!! I smiled to myself as I ate that deliciousness and said a BIG prayer of thanks that I no longer live like that. A sober life is an amazing life and I am thankful to be able to share my journey in sobriety with anyone who cares to hear/read it!!

With Much Gratitude,


Married life – 14 crazy/beautiful years later

Our wedding day. Aug 9, 2003. Weikert, PA
We had big plans to hike on the Mid-State Trail and camp at Poe Paddy State Park to celebrate our 14th anniversary this weekend. Life got in the way of those plans, as it often does, and while Aaron spent the day working, I spent the day shopping! Next thought was maybe we would go out for a date tonight, but as also often happens, I am becoming more content with just being a homebody! I don’t really feel the need to celebrate on a overpriced meal (just for the sake of going somewhere/doing something!). The actual celebration has occurred in my mind all week as well as in our conversation with one another. Married life really has been crazy & beautiful as I looked back on the past 14 years.

Before Marriage:
At the time when we said our “I do’s”, marriage held little value to me. (This was a direct reflection of my views on life itself. Nothing was really sacred.) I wasn’t really sure how I felt about, “Till death do us part.” I was more of a fair-weather spouse! (I wanted to magazine-marriage. You know, the one with the clean & stylish house, cute and well-behaved children, etc., etc…) Although at the time I was naïve enough to think that we had enough love & attraction for one another that the pesky reasons people divorced would never even touch us. Cute, right???

Looking at this picture of us cutting our little cake on our wedding day, I can’t help but remember where I WAS as a person at that time in my life. I remember the sense of disbelief that Aaron was marrying the likes of me. Shame was my constant companion. I was divorced and Aaron had never been married. I had a 9-year old daughter I was bringing into the union. Our life had been short on stability in those nine years and I had a ton of guilt that I drank to drown it out every night. ( Moving in with Aaron meant that Mifflinburg would be her 3rd school.) In fact, I knew I was an alcoholic.

Things had come to a head in the past year or so, and I knew that my life was out of control. I just had no clue or actual desire to stop it. I lived for the “excitement”, the intensity of my chaotic life. Most people probably thought I was just having a REALLY good time. I was the life of the party! Nothing worried me. I had the ultimate elixir in an ever-present bottle. Plus, I possessed enough social skills to navigate through life without creating any suspicions. I looked & seemed so NORMAL!

The effects of childhood abuse were threatening that I needed to deal with them NOW!! My life choices were landing me in increasingly dangerous situations and I knew that I had to be careful. Unfortunately, I didn’t know anything about self-love or self-respect, so I was out of luck on where & how to start taking care of myself. Waking up in your own urine or vomit leaves you with a feeling of fear & shame that you can’t wash off. The only choice was to start drinking again every afternoon.

Early Marriage:
Yet here I was, marrying this wonderful man a couple of months before my 30th birthday! The future held so much promise! We got pregnant with Jonah right away and I managed the 9-months of pregnancy as a full-time student with flying colors! Then Jonah was born and life just seemed so perfect! We had this charming old house and a beautiful, healthy baby boy. I could’ve pinched myself at my good fortune! I still felt like the real me had not been found out.

Before long, life started to creep back in (as life always does!). I started drinking again and hiding the exact amount from my husband so as not to worry him. My daughter started having problems in school, drinking, smoking, etc…eventually getting kicked out of our house for smoking pot. We disagreed about a lot of BIG things. Money. How to spend out free time. What was important in life; what direction we wanted to go in our future as a family. My drinking was always the biggest argument and the thing that I protected the most. You did NOT mess with my drinking. I would defend it to the bitter end.

14 years Later:
Fast-forward to today, 27 months of sobriety under my belt and 14 years of marriage! Marriage is TOUGH!! Life is tough- period!!! I think all we can do everyday is try to improve ourselves. Look long & hard at our beliefs, our habits, our attitudes. I started investigating a relationship with God around the same time that I was toying with getting sober. This was such a long and sloppy process. I’m quite sure it looked like I coming unglued. Probably still does! But the fact is…..I found a glimmer of hope somewhere along the way that let in a tiny crack of light in my dark world and I was just desperate enough to grab hold of it. Not sure if I would have accepted the life preserver if I was not drowning in despair and my life out of control. Often times we can’t see things for what they truly are until they’ve passed.

The more time I get under my belt in sobriety, the more clarity I seem to have about the past. I do not depend on my own skewed version of life to help me process this, but instead look to God’s word. Never much of a bible reader, I’ve found that the desire to read and understand His word does grow with consistency. Nothing challenges and refreshes my outlook like the wisdom I find in the bible.

God’s word has so much to teach us about everything from the way we live our lives and interact with people to giving a clear picture of a healthy and fulfilling marriage! While far from being a quick-fix, the work I have done on this journey of faith/sobriety/personal holiness has given me peace like nothing else and I know that the foundation we are building in our marriage is the sort that cannot be shaken by the storms of life!

When you relationship with food is out of balance

This was going to be the summer when I would finally have it all together. The muffin-top would be gone (again) and I would have my eating & my whole life in order AT LAST!! This had been a lifelong struggle and I was tired of it. Tired of being never enough. Tired of always missing the mark but failing. Running in circles, chasing the wind but always falling short. So I would get up in the morning and I would try again. I knew I could do hard things. I could workout HARD. Lift a lot of weight, do a lot of reps, but the food…..The food I couldn’t control. (And why did I need to control it anyways??) Never could. All my life it was the damn food. Only it was never the food. Just like it was never the alcohol. They were only the substances I abused to produce an effect or a feeling in me that I didn’t have access to on my own.

I was hungry all the time. Literally, I would get low blood sugar and feel shaky if I didn’t eat every few hours for the majority of my life. In my 30’s I realized that this didn’t happen if I ate enough protein and high-quality food (clean eating-not processed, REAL food). But that meant planning. Planning meant time management. Ughhhhh. Neither of those two qualities were exactly synonymous with who I was. I was spontaneous (impulsive)! I wasn’t a “planner” (my life was unmanageable)!

My two “plans” when I failed to plan were as follows:
Plan A: Wait until I was too famished to make wise choices so I would hop in my car and grab a burger or a hoagie, devour it and then feel awful.
Plan B: Try and control the hunger with pills, powders, patches, & potions.

Occassionally I would get on track and pack my lunches but it took extreme measures for me. Things like slowing down, reducing the chaos, having healthy foods on hand. Grocery shopping. You know, hard things!!

Like I said, this had been a lifelong battle for me. I was never overweight, but I was also never happy with myself. When you’re an insecure teenager you just want to blend in. My height made it impossible for me to blend in as I towered over everyone from a young age. Amazon-woman was a common term. Other girls told me I was so skinny I made them sick! I always felt like my body was just wrong!

Food was the original issue for me (I’m talking about binge-eating. I never purged, but I often binged. Not bulimic, but disordered eating.) but as I got older it quickly transitioned into drugs & alcohol. Moderation was not my strong-suit and I knew I was an alcoholic before I graduated high school. My high school years were full of getting wasted every night, promiscuity, theft. I knew my life was out of control, but I didn’t know how to stop it or particularly want to. Because I got something out of that lifestyle that I needed.

I got love. I got intensity, which (I have learned through counseling)can be a close second for someone who is seeking love. Around the end of the second decade of this lifestyle I started to get glimpses of truth about the source of all of my issues. And it wasn’t what I suspected.

It wasn’t that I didn’t have enough willpower or wasn’t hustling enough. It wasn’t that I didn’t know the scientific research behind what my lifestyle was doing to me. It went down to the deepest core of my being. I felt an emptiness I could never put my finger on. I could slap a Band-Aid on it with some booze, stuff it full of some rich food, chase a new relationship…..but that nagging emptiness always came back. So I’d try again. The stakes would get higher. My behavior would get crazier. I had to keep upping the ante to feel like I was getting anywhere.

Food had become this THING in my life that I needed to control or manage. I no longer knew how to instinctively just eat! It was about so much more! Comfort, enjoyment, control. If I ate good that day, I felt good. If I felt like I ate too much or “bad” foods then I would berate myself and wonder why I was such a failure all the time! It was affecting my whole life.

This amazing thing was happening around the time that I was starting to think about getting sober; I had re-discovered God. He had played only a small role in my life up until then, other than the obligatory Sunday morning mass service. I thought that was the pinnacle of faith. I had never seen or experienced anyone TRULY walking out a relationship with God. I’ve written about this journey in a several past blogs so I will keep it short here by saying that the timing was perfect and the door of my heart started to crack open a tiny bit. A tiny sliver of light started shining into the darkness of my heart (I had heard since childhood and really believed and lived like the bad person I was told I was. I never knew why I was bad, I just WAS. And since I believed it, I started to live it. We really do turn towards what we believe in our hearts to be true, so I lived like and did things that “bad people” did.) And I heard the calling of my heart for the first time. I heard truth.

I started to understand the reason behind the way I was living. There were a TON of revelations and a lot of ups and downs that went on for me to stand before you now as a changed person. NOT holy, NOT perfect, NOT better than anyone else on this planet. But understanding that I am broken. My heart is broken and is going to constantly be on the search for something to glue it back together, if only for a night. Some kind of relief for the pain of never being enough. I started to understand that there was ONE answer, and ONE answer only and His name is Jesus Christ. Nothing else will ever do!!!Revelation Wellness

So while I do not live this out perfectly by any stretch (being aware of it is half the battle!) and I still find myself slipping back into old, comfortable patterns, I find that I can quickly get myself back on track not by pulling up my big-girl pants but by submitting it all to the Lord. Only there do I find the grace and the freedom to let this “thing” go and let Him show me how to eat. I believe His plans also include how I care for & steward this one body that He has gifted me with and I plan on doing it well.

It is not going to happen on my time (which is always RIGHT NOW!), but it WILL happen and it will happen in such a way that I will have learned exactly what I needed Him to show me and not a moment before. His timing is always perfect!

Finding peace, joy, & contentment in recovery from alcoholism!